The View from here: Seeking peace in uncontrollable circumstances

Posted on November 14, 2013


View from here: Seeking peace in uncontrollable circumstances

By: Rachael Mattice

I’m in my mid-20s, I am career-oriented, have a job in my desired field and a loving boyfriend of almost three years.

Issue: We are not getting married any time soon, nor do we want to.

Issue No. 2: He is an officer in the military and will be leaving for training in several months.

After being told for years how wonderful love can be when we grow up and learning from immature teenage relationships that eventually fail, we assume spousal relations get easier as we get older because we know more about life.

We start to realize what we really want in a partner, how to handle issues inside and outside of the bond to better ourselves and make connections stronger.

Once the universe accomplished the task of bringing together two people who have chemistry and who don’t betray, lie or mislead each other, it can be a rather aggravating cruel joke when the universe’s circumstances out of your control plot against you to rip you apart.

I’ve heard “everything happens for a reason,” “if you are meant to be together it will happen,” “if there is a will, there is a way,” “a religious icon will lead you both to light.” All of those sugar-coated, apathetic sympathies only hide the real truth that being in your 20s can be a really difficult time to be in a relationship with someone when you don’t plan to get married and have ambitious goals for your career.

More and more of my friends on social media are pairing up or are also dealing with their loved ones thousands of miles away. Maybe we are meant to miss them and test our loyalties and strive on to counter the distance and find happiness.

What choice do we have when a majority of potential spouses turn out to be manipulators, thieves, cheaters or narcissists when romanticism and devotion seem near extinct?

Combine that with your spouse’s obligation to an organization that gives orders, demolishes free will, discourages non-marital relationships and ships them to desolate sections of the world from which they may not return. Stability seems like a godsend that holds a higher fortune than most may not apprehend.

Amid the depression from both ends, there’s an undeniable urge for survival, to find peace with this “life lesson” we both want to trample over. It’s way too exhausting to be red in the face at what fate, karma or consequences delivers to teach us.

Getting married early isn’t for everyone. God knows I’m too unseasoned, financially unwise and naive to handle something of that gargantuan worth. The challenge of inevitable separation is coming and, therefore, a rough and tough mentality to find balance and sanity while maintaining my life. Time to stop wishing and start working for more pleasure with the pain.

Mattice is a producer and music journalist at the Journal & Courier. She can be reached at

Posted in: "Rock It" Column